If you're just starting off to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or on your own, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you right. You give the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks pass, but you by no means try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about clenching the teeth in determination. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and while it needs its own kind of self control this has nothing to do with stiffness than with soft and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings arise, you permit them to pass in and out of attention like clouds pass in water. You don't try to push them off, but leave them to go of their own accord. Regardless of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how compelling or demanding the feelings, you don't hold on to them or let one thought or emotion to trigger another and another till you are off on a daydreaming trail that takes you further and further from the simple point of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but confidently come back to your breathing the moment you realize this has occurred. Avoid being impatient with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never pick up how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply showing to you just how much you have to apply your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are disoriented in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find attention becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well encouraged to find something much better to do with your time.
Employing Meditation To Ease Stress Or How Regular Meditation Practice Can Lessen Stress Problems.
However you perform regular meditation practice, what is important is to maintain your attention on the object or sound of focus. Should outside distractions stray into your mind, let them drift out slowly.
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