A couple of weeks ago one of my close friends asked a question which i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even if everything is going great.
To be honest it is not a simple question to answer as it varies for every person. There are actually thousands of books which have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you may begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.
The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly scary. So when I am approaching a good looking woman in a party, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of lots of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. If you feel uncomfortable and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to relate to them very quickly.
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